Bad Big Men Left on The Big Board — 2011 NBA Draft Guide to Future Disappointment

There’s really only one thing you can count on in the NBA draft, and that is that bad big men will be picked. GMs live (and die) by the “if you are going to miss, miss big” axiom. More often than not, they miss. Why? It’s probably because there are more short people in the world than tall people, and therefore, tall people are more likely to suck at basketball.

But amazingly, every bad big man in the NBA was once a highly-touted prospect. What happens? I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure it has to do with those suits they are forced to wear on draft day. Suits are not designed for seven-foot men; it’s awkward seeing seven and eight-button jackets.

Here’s a preview of some of the bad big men about to enter the league.

Keith Benson
Did you know there’s a college called Oakland? Did you know it’s in Michigan? Best case scenario: Benson turns into a poor-man’s Tyrone Hill. Worst case: This is the last article that ever mentions Keith Benson.

On a scale of Patrick O’Bryant to Adonal Foyle, I’m going to rate Benson a Les Jepson.

Lucas Nogueira
Nogueira is very young. I don’t watch much of the Brazil league. In fact, I never watch it. And instead of watching Nogueira play and giving real analysis here, I’m going to write him off as a short Manute Bol.

On a scale of POB to Foyle, Nogueira is getting the curse of Patty O.

Bismack Biyombo

I think what you have to like about Bismack Biyombo is his name. He can block shots. However, in horse, more than half the people who will ever read this can beat him. Never has my scale of terrible tallness ever been more appropriate: Biyombo perfectly rates out as Foyle, who, in my opinion, is the greatest terrible big man of all-time.

And here are a few memorable misses from past drafts:

2009 NBA Draft
Hasheem Thabeet
Picked: Number 2
Should have been picked: In the third round. What’s that? There’s no third round? Exactly.

2008 NBA Draft
Kosta Koufos
Picked: Number 23
Should have been picked: as an eternal front-runner for the “most deceiving name for an American-born player” award

2007 NBA Draft
Greg Oden
Picked: Number 1
Should have been picked: Number 2…. he’s been a bust, but no-one knew his knees were made of balsa wood

2006 NBA Draft
Patrick O’Bryant, Mouhamed Sene, Oleksiy Pecherov, Paul Davis, Cheik Samb, Ryan Hollins, and Loukas Mavrokefalidis were the centers drafted in 2006.
That about sums it up for me.

***

James Littlejohn is a writer of all things. He is awaiting the release of his first published book this fall. You can read his blog here:  jameslittlejohn.blogspot.com.

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